The Power of No
James Bond’s nemesis of his early career was a Eurasian scientist named, “Dr. No.” Although the sinister man from SPECTRE captured Bond on the Caribbean
My wife is a wimp when it comes to saying “no.” She would rather say “maybe,” or lead another person on to believe that possibly there is agreement. Regular encounters with telemarketers have helped Carolyn develop her skill at saying “no” however! She has learned that other people will take advantage of a person who cannot say “no.”
If you cannot say “no,” you will find that other people are quite willing to steal your time, rob your wallet, and bore you for hours. A leader will save the time of everyone involved and reach a “no” when that is the right decision. Even though claiming the “no” position in a negotiation may leave one emotionally exposed, the choice of “no” is clear and definitive. Both parties can move on without any lasting psychic drain. A decision of “we’ll see” or “let me think about it” is cowardly, and offers the sales person a chance to apply further pressure. If you must postpone a decision when all the facts are known, set a clear deadline when you intend to render a verdict of “yes” or “no.”
The modern Toltec philosopher don Miguel Ruiz teaches that one should be impeccable in all agreements. The wisdom of his teaching guides one from making poor decisions that diminish one’s personal power. A clear choice of “no” does not have to steal glory from other people. An agreement of “yes” where the soul does not fully support the agreement, robs one of integrity. When one says “yes” and is not committed to the choice, one’s reputation and personal power are tarnished. Say “no” with big heart, if you are not sure, and be ready to say “yes” when your heart is ready to sing.
Leaders need to teach their peers and staff to accept a “no”. I find that some are concerned that saying no represents themselves as repressive. Their approach then becomes to discuss an issue at length, and convince and justify. There is value to that approach for many decisions, but what may happen is people become trained to debate and question everything. Another approach is to sometimes just say no, and suggest that they can discuss it in the future. Then, when the results of that decision are apparent, dialog with others about why you made that “no” choice. People will recognize that you can be trusted to make “no” decisions, and that sometimes “no” is enough.
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